It is said there is many a truth said in jest. And one of those truths is that the felicity of words can be attributed as much to wise men as to fools who stumble upon them. If you have heard or said something to amuse the world, you can add it to this list. Simply send your quotation and who said it to Coup de Trafalgar: underhand trick Collins French-English Dictionary. It wastes my time like an old friend Mark Twain referring to his first typewriter whose idiosyncracies he could not master. He was caught between a dog and a lamp post from a television comedy Hog-whimpering a state of drunkenness. Slipped into the language about 20 years ago via the back door. Patriotism is a lively sense of collective responsibility, Nationalism is a silly cock crowing on its own dunghill Aldington, English poet and novelist. Float like a butterfly - Sting like a bee Ali (Cassius Clay). Nostalgia ain't what it used to be Graffito To err is human but to really foul things up requires a computer Farmers Almanac. I married beneath me. All women do Nancy Astor We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars Wilde, Lady Windermere’s Fan Evil communications corrupt good manners The Bible, I Corinthians. He that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow The Bible, Ecclesiastes. Age shall not wither her nor custom stale her infinite variety ; other women cloy the appetites they feed but she makes hungry where most she satisfies Shakespeare, Antony & Cleopatra. I long came to the conclusion that all life is six to five against Damon Runyon Brevity is the soul of lingerie Dorothy Parker Expenditure rises to meet income C Northcote Parkinson Excuse my dust Dorothy Parker’s suggested epitaph to herself. Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage Twelfth Night, Shakespeare It's all the young can do for the old, to shock them and keep them up to date George Bernard Shaw. Decency is indecency's conspiracy of silence George Bernard Shaw. Life is a sexually transmitted disease Graffito Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere’s Fan. Hindsight is always twenty twenty Billy Wilder. My name is Ozymandias, King of KIngs: look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair! Nothing beside remains. Round that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and even sands stretch far away Percy Bisshe Shelley. I wasn't kissing her. I was whispering in her mouth Chico Marx on being caught with a chorus girl by his wife. Roderick Spode? Big chap with a small moustache and the sort of eye that can open an oyster at sixty paces P G Wodehouse. I never forget a face but, in your case, I'll make an exception Groucho Marx Sing 'em muck, it's all they understand Advice from Dame Nellie Melba to Dame Clara Butt as she was leaving for Australia. Some weazel took the cork out of my lunch W C Fields. Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings Ed Gardner, US Radio comedian. The Barbara Cartland of the artworld Francis Bacon, 20th century artist, in reference to David Hockney. The thing with high-tech is that you always end up using scissors David Hockney I have spread my dreams under your feet; tread softly because you tread on my dreams W B Yeats. Suffer any wrong that may be done to you rather than come here (the Court of Chancery) Charles Dickens, Bleak House. Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valient never taste death but once Shakespeare, Julius Caesar. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away Louis de Bernieres, Captain Corelli’s Mandolin. I think a bad memory can be turned into a valuable asset Susie Broadbent. The last government legalised homosexuality. I'm surprised they didn't make it compulsory Rising Damp. To have children is to give hostages to fortune Francis Bacon, 17th century English Philosopher. Losing one's sex drive is like being unchained from a lunatic Sophocles. Flatter not the plain man lest vanity rob him of his honesty Paul Broadbent. Being an Member of Parliament feeds your vanity and starves your self-respect Matthew Parris. Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement, and now it is a problem to be overcome Garrison Keillor. It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard Dorothy Parker on her abortion. It is necessary for the good man to do nothing for evil to triumph Attributed to Edmund Burke. When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around but when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished how much he had learned in seven years Mark Twain. When I want an unsolicited opinion, I'll get a taxi Unknown Sex without love is an empty experience but, as empty experiences go, it's the tops Woody Allen. Everyone's mad but some are better at convincing others that they are not Robert Burton, Anatomy of Melancholy. She was a good cook as good cooks go, and as good cooks go, she went Saki (H H Munroe). Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone Caption to a cartoon by James Thurber. I hope you didn't mind me bringing my own wine, your food complements it perfectly Baron Eric de Rothschild in a letter to an English hotel he had just stayed in.